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EXTREME ESTEEM COLUMN ARCHIVE
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1)
I am convinced that low self-esteem is the common thread in most, and perhaps all, personal distress.
2)
The other day, a friend told me he'd come to a realization. Certain people showed up in his life only when he was feeling disheartened or negative.
3)
Goal setting is a powerful technique used by successful athletes, business-people
and achievers in every field.
4)
The world is filled with people living in a needless state of constant guilt. That's a sweeping statement, but how many people do you know whose daily lives are guided by guilt?
5)
I could constrain myself no longer; I had to find out. I had to know how eating dirt and conversing with cows and chickens could teach you anything about the world.
What he said left me bewildered.
Using the Gifts from God is the true story of my Gross Vater (German for grandfather), Michael Fuhrer, who was living an empowered life long before the term or concept ever gained widespread popularity. Though he passed away when I was just a boy, he has remained a constant source of inspiration to me. I believe it was his example and wisdom which guided me toward the amazing position I now find myself in - writing, teaching, and living a life of empowerment. I had carried his story with me for years - sharing it with friends and family - until my wife convinced me to finally write it down. As would seem appropriate, his story became my first published work and was featured in a hard cover collection of stories from Western Canadian authors - published by Western Producer Prairie Books. I have since written and sold nearly 1000 pieces, but it was his story which started it all. Writing it and then sharing it with the world open my eyes to the amazing power of the written word. And now, may I introduce you to my, Gross Vater.
6)
Fear is an important emotion that alerts us to perceived danger - a survival instinct preparing us for fight or flight. Generally, we regain composure shortly after the fear is triggered, but if fear begins to control us as in the case of anxieties, panic attacks, traumatic reactions, or phobias - our lives are no longer ours.
7)
My father was one of the most sociable people I have even known. He could sit down and strike up a conversation with anyone.
8)
There is no pill, lotion, potion, energy balancing, psychic reading, or affirmation that will change the past. Most, if not all of the obstacles in our path to personal development are the result of unresolved experiences and issues from our past.
9)
Do you deserve happiness? Think carefully before you answer that question. Everyday I meet people engaged in a desperate search for happiness - convinced this elusive "state-of-being" lies between the pages of the next self-help book - comes packaged with a new job or relationship.
10)
Frustration. We know how it feels - here's how Webster defines it: the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals.
11)
Let's admit it. We cannot change another person's behavior - only they can do that!
12)
Our lives are teeming with people when all we really crave is intimacy - the certain knowledge that someone knows who we are and cares about what happens to us. The real epidemic of the new millennium isn't physical but spiritual in nature - it is loneliness and isolation.
13)
Sad fact: We often get so caught up in looking ahead or behind we forget to enjoy the moment - the now.
14)
A colleague of mine recently described her girlfriend's partner as a loser/user. I asked her to expound upon the term. "You know the type," she said. "He's taking her for all she's worth."
15)
Investing your time and energy is like investing your money. If the risk is too great, you might lose it all! However, risk can spell the difference between getting what you want and sitting it out, between achieving your greatest desires and forever wishing and hoping.
16)
As I grew up, I discovered a lapse of good judgement in life could also result in a serious emotional wreck. Sometimes, the wreck had nothing do with our "lack of judgement" but the poor, cruel, or foolish choice of another - leaving us to deal with the aftermath. I began to wonder why certain people could experience an emotional "head-on" and survive it while others having endured (what seemed to me) an incident of far less emotional magnitude were utterly destroyed.
17)
I remember the day I was venting to a friend about my sad state of affairs - too many bills, too little income, too much stress, too little sleep. My friend listened intently and when I had finished complaining, made the comment, "Gee if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck at all." That stopped me in my tracks. Was I being plagued by bad luck? If so, why? I pondered the statement for some time and slowly came to the sad realization that the majority of my "bad luck" was the result of my bad choices.
18)
Have you ever made a disparaging comment about yourself and had someone say to you, “Check your self-talk?” Self-Talk is the constant stream of chatter that goes on in your head (and mine, and the head of everyone else, for that matter).
19)
I awaken each morning expecting the best. Give that statement some thought and you’ll gain some insight into your personality. Do you view the world in a positive or negative way?
20)
Anger is a normal emotion experienced by everyone. Anger can make your hands shake, your voice tremble, your mouth go dry, and make it difficult to focus on what the other person is saying to you. Anger and the resulting guilt can have a devastating effect on the self-esteem of all parties engaged in the conflict.
21)
A group of kids and adults were asked, “If you were an animal, would you rather live free in the wild where it’s dangerous and you have to find your own food and water or would you rather live in the zoo, behind bars? The zoo staff will take good care of you, give you food and water, and every day people will come and stare at you?” The kids chose to live free in the wild, but most of the adults chose the zoo and came up with countless good reasons why they had no other option.
22)
The other day someone use the term conscious sleep. They were speaking of lucid dreaming – the ability some people have to be consciously aware while dreaming. The term conscious sleep could easily apply to the state many of us are in each day. Eyes open, body in motion, yet asleep – oblivious to the big picture – the endless possibilities.
23)
Gossip. What it is? That’s the easy part. How to deal with it? That’s the hard part. Gossip is information about a person, true or false, that is spread around from one person to another – often becoming distorted, retooled, and embroidered upon in the process.
24)
Do you avoid speaking your mind then feel frustrated afterwards? Perhaps you yell and demand to be heard – convinced your opinion is an unquestionable truth. If you do either of these two things, you are communicating in a passive or aggressive manner. There is a better choice and it’s called – being assertive.
25)
One of the deepest desires of young people, especially teens, is to be accepted by their peers. Like all of us, they want to feel valued. It’s during these critical teen-age years, according to Earl Nightingale, that we begin to play a game called “Follow the Follower.” The game should not be confused with “Follow the Leader.” Following the follower is about conforming – talking, dressing, acting and thinking like one another – everyone follows everyone else.
26)
A gift or talent resides within each of us and along with that endowment, a longing for greatness. It’s part of what makes us human – of what drives us to excel.
27)
There’s a saying about success in life or anything else for that matter, “Many of us don’t want to admit that we’ve been standing in our own way.” Allow me to explain. Let’s say you’ve been doing all the right things – affirming, visualizing, and meditating – but you can’t seem to move beyond a certain belief or behavior. You may be dealing with secondary gain. Secondary gain is a psychiatric term meaning that a person has a hidden reason for holding onto an undesirable habit, belief, or condition.
28)
Surprisingly, many people won’t seek help for depression – perhaps believing they should be able to manage personal difficulties on their own, others because they feel embarrassed and ashamed or perhaps because they don’t believe they deserve help.
29)
Some people are like thermometers – they passively note of damaging factors in their life, but do nothing to change the situation. They have problems and difficulties, yet believe there isn’t anything they can do about it. They feel helpless as they watch life happen to them. At the core of this belief is a certain lack of self-responsibility.
30)
Most of us received a lot more negative programming than positive in our childhood. You may have been told you weren’t very good at something, that you’d never make a living if you chose a certain career path, or that you’d never get a good job if you didn’t go to college. As if all that wasn’t enough, you managed to impose your own self-limiting beliefs on yourself as well. You may have taken on the belief that you’re too fat, tall, dumb, skinny, or uneducated to pursue and actually accomplish your dreams.
31)
Sad fact, many of us approach life with a “can’t do” attitude. Attitude, it has been said, is more important than aptitude. No matter how technically skilled you may be in your chosen field – you won’t get far with a “can’t do” attitude. Think you can or you think you can’t, either way you’ll be right.
32)
How unnecessary to compare yourself to another! How totally impossible to be a clone of someone else! The universe does not indulge in duplicates. Each creation is unique – unrepeatable. You are an unparalleled event in the universe! A world premiere! You are a divine expression of the Source. No person, thing, or event can erase this truth.
33)
At one time or another, you’ve probably found someone’s behavior or intentions unforgivable. However, carrying a grudge is counterproductive. Grudges drain YOUR energy – not the energy of the person for whom you carry the grudge. Bottled up anger can heighten physical stress, contributing to heart disease, ulcers, and other health problems.
34)
Many of us think we’re “doing our own thing” when we’re literally captives of our past – living life on autopilot. Daily we grind out self-defeating choices that entrap us. We are controlled by our past programming. Our lives are predictably monotonous round trips, not adventurous journeys.
35)
Most of us are familiar with the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” The serenity prayer beautifully captures the essence of Wise Mind. To appreciate Wise Mind, you need to understand two states of mind: logical and emotional.
36)
Many people today live at a frantic pace. Their days are rushed, rapid fire and relent-less – carved up into minutes and moments. They skim across the surface, alighting for seconds at dozens of destinations but rarely remaining for long at any one.
37)
“I’m too busy to exercise. I never have enough time for family and friends. How can I read a book, listen to music, or relax when I’ve got so much to do?” Does this sound familiar? It seems we’re all busy being busy. Where does the time go? Every day we awaken with a full day ahead of us and plenty of time to make a positive difference in our lives. But at day’s end, we’re often left feeling we haven’t made one bit of difference.
38)
People who don’t understand nor appreciate the concept of empathy can be recognized by their rigid attitudes and statements, which often have a devastating impact on the self-esteem of the distressed individual. If you can’t or won’t speak to other’s feelings, you run the risk of being viewed as distant, aloof, or insensitive. Many a transaction, inter-view, sale, or relationship has been torpedoed because one person didn’t feel heard, valued, understood, or appreciated.
39)
Happiness. So many pursue it, yet so few seem able to capture and take hold of it. Is happiness truly elusive or do we simply not understand what it means to be happy. Per-haps, happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of it, but rather is the by-product of other activities.
40)
A recent study suggests that children welcomed with physical touch and tactile stimu-lation grow into well-adjusted, capable, and loving adults. These children enjoy lower anxiety levels, fewer symptoms of depression, and improved self-esteem. Children de-prived of touch in infancy show tendencies toward aggressiveness and violent behavior.
41)
If there was ever a lesson about not delaying doing what you want in life, this was it. I’m reminded of the old adage: “Carpe Diem – seize the moment.” Time waits for no one. If there’s someone you want to see/speak/write to...a place you’d like to go, or something you’ve always wanted to do – then do it. We never know how long anyone or anything will be around ... no matter how permanent they appear or how significant they might be.
42)
Often, we can be unaware that we’re contributing to someone’s bad habits. A fine line exists between helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for someone that they are incapable of doing for themselves – either from lack of time, talent, or experience. Enabling is doing something that they can and should be doing for themselves.
43)
Remember, negative self-talk (shoulditis) is laced with control, blame, and manipula-tion. Positive self-talk is based on faith, inner choice, and the acceptance of personal re-sponsibility. Positive self-talk takes the form of intent, of commitment, of being in charge of your own destiny. Positive self-talk continually reminds you that you are the chooser.
44)
When you hold a self-image firmly in your mind’s eye and you will be drawn toward it. Choose the image carefully. Picture yourself vividly as defeated and that alone will make victory impossible. Picture yourself vividly as winning and that alone will contribute immeasurably to your success.
45)
There is a tendency for some people to explain feelings of happiness or unhappiness in terms of the external events. They explain happiness by pointing to positive events – unhappiness by pointing to the negatives. The implication is that events determine whether we are happy or unhappy. I think our attitudes have far more to do with how happy we are than any external conditions.
46)
Failure to commit fully to a project or dream is a major cause of failure and a failing common to many people. Be honest: are you allowing fear, worry, and nervousness to govern your thinking? Do you find yourself habitually questioning your decisions? A lack of commitment creates self-doubt, leaves us emotionally drained, and ineffective. However, a lack of commitment can be overcome with effort. If you lack commitment, it’s time to build a bigger fire under your desires and objectives.
47)
Each situation – however challenging – has a path of least resistance. Too often, we spend our time complaining and resisting instead of accepting the reality of the current situation. The reality is – we need to move through it, so let’s start by accepting it.
48)
However, rarely does a plan succeed strictly through a conscious and perfectly executed strategy. Usually, it happens with effective planning and a series of what appear to be random events. Are these events that work in our favour coincidental or are we dealing with what some refer to as synchronicity?
49)
For some, optimism comes naturally. For most, it is an attitude towards life that must be learned and cultivated. The good news is that optimism and pessimism are learned be-haviors. According to the latest research, “Optimists and pessimists are made, not born.”
50)
I believe we come into this life with special talents and express them in ways that nobody else can. In fact, you feel as if “something is missing” when you refuse to engage in that activity and keep ignoring the urgings to act.
51)
Symptoms can be the outward manifestation of an idea held deep within your subcon-scious mind – an idea formed as a child and one that you’ve lived with for so long now that it has become an unconscious pattern. For example, you might have imposed an unconscious limit to your income and you’re holding tight to an image of yourself as broke.
52)
Every time you entertain a new thought, your brain creates a new neural pathway. In-troducing it to other thoughts creates a stronger, deeper, and clearer mental connection.
Listen, inquire, and show interest. Ask questions. Dig a little deeper. Find the connec-tions to other people, places, and activities. Learn as much as you can about your new idea. Relinquish control. Don’t direct the flow of ideas. Just let things happen.
53)
Are you breaking promises to yourself? Are you out of touch with the person you really want to be? In fact, the simple recognition that you’re out of touch – that you’re not living your best life can be a spiritual awakening for you. Consider this moment of self-discovery as reason to rejoice. Recommit yourself to a life of integrity – here’s how:
54)
Often, we become the prosecuting attorney in the case against ourselves. We dispute, argue, and attempt to prove to ourselves and others that our limitations are real. And the less justification these ideas or beliefs have, the more adamant we become in attempting to prove them to others. Whatever they are, resolve to challenge them. Hold each belief up to the light and see it for what it really is – reality or illusion?
55)
Holding on to the anger, resentment, and a sense of betrayal can make your current life an unhappy one. When you forgive, you do it for you, not just for the other person. Let go of the past and release emotions that prevent you from growing emotionally. It’s tough to have a loving and rewarding relationship with anyone else, much less yourself, if you continue to hold onto pain from the past.
56)
This story reminds us how important a healthy self-image is and how inaccurate our own self-image may be. A good self-image allows you to see yourself as a unique and significant person – one who has a meaningful part to play in the world. A poor self-image can be an invisible ceiling and prevent you from enjoying success and reaching your true potential.
57)
Have you ever met someone who could speak eloquently about lofty spiritual ideas, but whose own life and relationships were a mess? What about someone quick to give financial advice, but whose own financial fortunes teeter on the verge of bankruptcy?
Without knowing it, these people reveal to us one of the greatest secrets in life – knowledge alone is not enough.
58)
Conflicting beliefs create an internal “tug-of-war” between our desire to do something and feeling as though we can’t or shouldn’t do it. How do you know if your beliefs are in conflict? Is procrastination a regular part of your day? Do you have a difficult time getting motivated to do the things you really want to do? Did you tell yourself that this would be your year to succeed, but despite this promise to yourself, you’re still not living the life you truly want to live? Do people often misunderstand your intentions?
59)
I’m not suggesting that everyone deserves multiple chances to redeem themselves. Use your good judgment. In my experience, some people simply CHOOSE not to make positive change and your initial assessment may be totally accurate. Just remember, situations DO change, people CAN change, and so should your perceptions.
60)
It’s important to understand that you may have been thinking in a negative way for sometime now. Negative thoughts can be difficult to spot because they become a habit – they flash quickly into your mind. Most of us are not used to “watching” our thoughts – we’re simply reacting to them. Learning to spot and catch these negative thoughts is a skill you can master with time. When you are depressed, your thoughts are distorted in a negative way. These are called “thinking errors.”
61)
I think one of the great tragedies in life is that most of us are brought up to think of ourselves as employees rather than employers, as entrepreneurs. This attitude is a major cause of unhappiness and underachievement in life. The myth of the employee leads people to see themselves as helpless and dependent upon “the company.” From an early age, we look for someone to provide us with work to do and the money we need to live.
62)
Some people are afraid of dying. They see aging as a dark, foreboding cloud on the horizon and they frantically chase after receding youth – fighting to hold ground with pills, potions, and even surgery. Others worry about how their passing will come. Will illness linger or will the end be sharp and unexpected? I try not to dwell on how or when I might die, but acknowledging that this present existence will eventually end has helped me to live more passionately each day. Others have come to the same realization.
63)
My mother-in-law once told me she never thought “things” meant much to her. She prided herself in believing she would never let herself get attached to possessions, for things of the spirit were all that truly mattered. Yet, certain objects did pull within when she was scrambling to save items from the fire. The old candy dish from her mother, the tea set from her grandmother, the trunk that had stored her few belongings on a the long ocean voyage from Europe. For my father-in-law, it was the old desk where he had sat as a youth to ponder his homework and later, as a young farmer, to manage his bills and plan for the seasons. Why choose them? Each of these objects represented memories of gentle periods and difficult times when adversity was faced and overcome. Each had a story to tell. They spoke in the voices of generations past – parents and grandparents.
64)
I had a boss who once told me, “I don’t reward people who just show up at work and keep a chair warm.” To be “fully there” you have to be physically energized, emotion-ally connected, mentally focused, and spiritually aligned with a purpose beyond your immediate self-interest. Being “fully there” means feeling eager to get to work in the morning and just as happy to return home in the evening. It is a great day when we can fully immerse ourselves in work, family, and life – yet how often does that happen?
65)
Laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other. A healthy sense of humor allows you to laugh at yourself and current life situation. Laughing at yourself can be a way of accepting and respecting yourself. Studies indicated that lacking a good sense of humor is directly related to lower self-esteem and higher stress levels.
66)
“I am so busy.” We say this to one another as if our exhaustion were a trophy to place on the mantle, as though our ability to withstand stress is a mark of character. Often, the busier we are, the more important we see ourselves as being and (assume) the more impressive we must appear to others. To be unavailable to our friends and family, to be unable to find time for the sunset (or even to know the sun has set), to speed through our obligations without time for a single mindful breath – has become the benchmark for the successful life.
67)
Do you remember when you were a child and no dream seemed too big? When we were young, we shared a common trait – we were dreamers. Eventually, most of us started to let our dreams die. People began to tell us that we couldn’t do the things we wanted. It was impossible. Responsible people don’t pursue their dreams. Settle down, get a job, and be dependable. Take care of business, live the mundane, be content.
Believe me, it’s time to dream again and here are just a few reasons:
68)
Some time ago, my wife and I were driving through our neighbourhood – enjoying a quiet conversation when two teenage boys on BMX bikes shot across the street in front us. I tromped on the brakes – skidding to a halt less than a meter away from the two. “Hey!” yelled the larger of the two boys, shaking his fist at me. “Why don’t you watch where I’m going?” “Yeah,” spat the smaller lad, “His brakes don’t work!” The two then darted off down a back alley. We were both shaken and our quiet drive was over. How many people do you know who go through life with the same attitude?
“Why don’t you watch where I’m going – my brakes don’t work!”
69)
It’s a sobering moment when you realize your entire strategy for coping with life has been centered on avoiding conflict. Avoidance isn’t necessarily a bad strategy, avoiding might take the form of diplomatically skirting an issue until a better time or withdrawing from a threatening situation.
70)
Much of the time, our experience lacks a quality of awareness or mindfulness. Often, we travel through life on cruise control, automatically living out habitual patterns of be-havior. Without awareness, habitual tendencies can take over and run our lives. As we begin to develop our personal level of mindfulness, it can be shocking to discover just how habitual our lives have become and how runaway thinking has led to our suffering.
71)
The other day a colleague approached me with a question – what is self-esteem? I immediately launched into the customary examples – a high regard for oneself, self-respect, and pride in your accomplishments. I was stopped in the middle of my explana-tion. “Those are just words,” he said. “Explain self-esteem in terms I can understand.”
72)
The other day someone asked me why … why devoted so much time and energy to teaching and speaking on the topic of self-esteem. Besides the fact that I feel most alive and “on purpose” when I’m writing and speaking on the theme, I have a burning desire to change the world. That may sound pretentious, but I believe we can all play a role in changing the world.
73)
For years I’ve watched good people struggle, believing that if only they had the right tools or had been born with the gift of self-assurance, they could live confidently and energetically. They spend years going to classes and coaches, reading books and studying, searching for that elusive “something extra” that, once acquired, will make them commanding individuals. In my experience, I’ve never met anyone who found that elusive “something extra” outside of themselves.
74)
Years ago, someone asked me if I could appreciate the value of an hour. I can’t recall my response, but I do recall the words. An hour was priceless. “Devote one hour each day to pursuing your dreams,” I was told, “and you’ll change the world.” Years later, I read that one hour each day adds up to nine 40-hour weeks over the course of a year.
75)
If I’m correctly interpreting my father’s words, then it would follow that when we are “helping” something to happen, it assumes there is already some energy at play. This is important. To me this means agreement or harmony – a congruency between our desire and our dream. In other words, “I want something to happen and it also wants to hap-pen.” In these situations, when we apply energy, it’s more persistence than exertion. When persistence and congruence come together, it can bring about amazing results.
76)
When you stand firm on your conviction – when you have resolved to make your dreams come true – despite what anyone else might say or do – you become a dynamo – a relentless force that simply will not cease until the chosen goal has been achieved.
77)
In your search for enlightenment, have you discovered that this year’s answers or a conclusion is different from those of years past? It’s a simple fact: as your knowledge increases, as your understanding grows, your world view broadens. You begin to recognize the duality of life and see it in each new situation and every encounter.
78)
Most people talk about values: what they believe to be right or wrong. But whether or not we realize it, we all live our true values. Our actions, more than our words, will show what we truly believe.
79)
Gut feeling. Sixth sense. Hunch. Subconscious thinking developed from your own experiences and rooted in your own beliefs. No matter what you call it or how you de-scribe it, intuition plays an important part in the decisions we make every day.
80)
What’s preventing you from living your dream? Over the years, I have met countless people living their dreams and at least as many others who didn’t believe they could make their dreams happen – the challenges were just too great. Stacey Mayo, author of I Can’t Believe I Get Paid To Do This! has nicknamed these challenges “O-Blocks”: obstacles that block us and appear so large that we can’t see our way around them.
81)
If this were an advertisement for almost any personal development program, I would now be telling you that I had found the one perfect technique that makes all the others obsolete – the one secret that will finally get you everything you desire and deserve.
I won’t do that because I don’t think there is one all-encompassing secret, technique, or technology out there. The truth is I am stuck occasionally, too, in my business, in a relationship, in my personal development. I go back to two basic questions: “Who am I” and “How will I live my life?” These two questions underpin every spiritual quest.
82)
Psychologists estimate that by the age of 2, 50 per cent of what we ever believe about ourselves has been formed; by age six, 60 per cent, and by eight years, 80 per cent.
Have you ever longed for the energy and optimism of a child? Everything is possible – there is nothing you can’t do, learn, or be. However, you’re no longer a child, and you realize you have some limits. Don’t let your biggest limitation be you.
83)
A comfort zone happens when we settle too deeply into a routine. We stop doing all the things that make life and work fun, interesting, and challenging. We’re not growing at the rate we once grew; in fact, we may not be growing at all, but stagnating—stuck in a rut. Research suggests one in four people work and live out their lives in an endless rut. I believe that number is low.
84)
We make decisions based on the best information at the time. As children, we try to fit into a mysterious world, and learn how to survive there. We take on the attitudes of those who are powerful and all knowing, such as parents, teachers, and spiritual leaders – all in an attempt to gain acceptance, safety and security. Then we grow up, our life situations change and we no longer need the old survival strategies. Yet, we continue to be influenced by earlier programming and seldom do we re-examine our old attitudes and ideas.
85)
Buddha said, “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” Accepting this state-ment as true, I’m left wondering how the "lady” moves through her personal and profes-sional life. Does she rush through her days, never stopping to reflect or consider consequences? Is she impulsive? Does she make snap judgments then abruptly change her mind and direction? Does she comment without a thought toward appropriateness?
86)
Dr. Phil McGraw says, “We teach people how to treat us.” We either teach people to treat us with dignity and respect or we don’t. This means we are partly responsible for the mistreatment that we get at the hands of someone else. We shape others’ behaviour when we teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.
87)
“I want a job I enjoy, where I’m treated with respect, and paid a decent wage.”
Danny and I were talking about jobs, our shared experiences as employees, and our expectations of an employer. Danny had been laid off recently and was clearly upset.
“Am I asking too much?” Danny stared off into space. “I don’t think so.”
The conversation sent my mind casting back to a time when I was in search of the “eternally” perfect job.
88)
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “To leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Will you only know what you need when you see it? Or will you decide here and now what you need and pursue it?
89)
We speak of a “twinkle” in the eye or a “flicker” of warmth in the heart. Essentially, to shine your light means to share your knowledge, wisdom, and faith openly and honestly with the world and in doing so, making the world a better place. Some people shine with a light of kindness. Others emit a light of hope. There are those who glow with enthusiasm and still others who radiate love. Myrtle shone her light by freely helping neighbours in their time of need – whether with animals or kids.
90)
Occasionally, the topic of clarifying expectations comes up at the office or during one of my workshops. Essentially, clarifying expectations means both parties involved in an interaction are completely clear about what they’re asking for, what they expect, and when they expect to get it.
91)
Many people either don’t know their life purpose or have misidentified it as what they do – assuming it to be their career/job/profession or primary role in life such as being a good parent, spouse or employee. Don’t get me wrong; those are crucial functions and should never be undervalued. But consider this: doesn’t it make sense that your life pur-pose would encompass all of your life – not just your work or the roles you play?
92)
It is a rare person who has cultivated the ability to clearly see inside others and identify with them. Nevertheless, it’s crucial to living an effective and happy life. So, feel free to stand up and cheer when your team scores the winning goal or to sit back, sniffle and shed a tear when a book or movie moves you. It’s all part of being an empathetic person.
93)
We’ve all been raised with the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” In fact, names do hurt. Words hurt -- especially cruel words.
Many of us have been on the receiving end and, chances are, we’ve done some giving, too. Certainly, all of us have witnessed cruel and unkind comments made to others.
Some comments are blatantly cruel, while others take the form of sarcastic remarks. I’m not speaking of good-natured teasing -- though that too can cross the line.
94)
The other day, someone told me that perception is reality. Sorry, but in my view, perception is not reality. Reality is reality. Perception is reality filtered through our beliefs, values, and past experiences. Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now says, “To meet everything and everyone through stillness instead of mental noise is the greatest gift you can offer to the universe.” Eckhart challenges us to become the "Witness" – the watcher of our feelings – the observer of our thoughts and sensations.
95)
One summer, during my 17th year, I built a quarter mile of fence by hand – staking a long length of twine, starting each hole with a crowbar, pounding posts with a 13-pound post maul, cutting planks by hand, and hammering each board securely in place. It was hard work, but I loved every minute of it. I loved the way my muscles felt when I pushed myself beyond my usual physical limits. I loved the crack of the maul as each strike drove the treated posts deeper and deeper into the hard ground. Most of all, I loved the sense of accomplishment I felt when I hammered the final spike into place.
96)
It is a mistake to think that moving fast is the same as actually going somewhere. In addition, it is an error to believe that doing many things is as good as doing the right thing. People who are the most satisfied with their lives actually have somewhere to go and a plan to get there.
97)
The lesson here is an echo of my wise mom’s words. "If you want to learn how to do something, then talk to someone who is really good at the ‘thing’ you want to learn.”
Ask for help to realize your dream – whatever it should be. If you happen to be an ex-pert in your field, share your wisdom and mentor an eager student. You might end up with sore toes or bruised knees, but you may just help someone realize the life they want.
98)
Vincent van Gogh said, “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.” Is there a particular fear that is keeping you from venturing out on the big sea of possibil-ity? Fear of failure? Loss of security? Fear of criticism or judgment?
Before you pack up ship, ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen by striving to reach my dream? If the best that could happen outweighs the worst, move forward in confidence.
99)
Alive? Yes, but not in full participation – present, but not voting. As someone said, “No matter where you live, are you living where you are?” The challenge we all face today is finding time to live! Do you feel alive? Do you feel like you are living and enjoying life? Or are you numbed by job stress and the high demands of an over-booked schedule, seldom having time to enjoy some of life’s simple pleasures?
100)
The same lack of attention – regular maintenance – can damage a healthy relationship. I have found that little things, such as too little time and attention, will hurt an intimate relationship more than anything else will. We can usually get through the tough times, but it’s neglect on a daily basis that often destroys closeness and intimacy.
101)
I learned a valuable lesson one day when I brought home a school project and ex-plained – exasperated – that I had done my best, worked my hardest, and yet received only a modest mark. Mom told me that my best effort was all anyone could ask of me. She told me that I never had to feel bad, guilty, or disappointed if I had truly done my best. “Always do your best,” she said. “No more and no less.”
102)
What’s important is this: whatever you are, be a good one. If what you do is worth do-ing, if you believe that you are a valuable person, then you can’t afford to be content with mediocrity. When you choose the path of excellence through this life, you will bring to it your best and receive the best it can offer in return.
103)
When I think of regret, I’m drawn to Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken. The poem begins with an intriguing question and the memorable phrase: “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.” The narrator chose “the one less travelled,” a choice that “made all the difference.” But what if he had chosen the well-travelled road? That choice, too, would have “made all the difference.” The road not taken is the source of all regrets. It seduces us with its fantasies of what might have been: limitless possibilities that would have unfolded for us “if only….”
104)
How long would your list be if you took inventory of your blessings - all of that for which you can give thanks? For family? For friends? For faith? For health and the necessities of life? Did you know that some one million people will die this week? How is your health? Those who have food, clothing and shelter have more than much of our world’s population will ever possess. Do you have these necessities of living?
105)
How many times have you said, “Time goes so fast?” Moments come and go as we do our “important” tasks of the day. Our focus seems to be on what needs to be done instead of on what we can do with the moments we are given. Quantity become more important than quality and precious moments disappear one by one into the shadows of our life.
106)
Never assume that things are the way they appear on the surface. Always check out the facts and never rush to a conclusion. Says Ruiz, “What we think we understand about what someone says, how someone looks at us, what someone means by what they do or say may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead us to think badly of ourselves or of others, and reinforce not being impeccable with our word.” (This, by the way, is his Agreement Number 1.)
107)
Past achievement needs to be remembered and honoured, but they also need to be re-leased. Sometimes, we hold on so tightly to a past success, that we stall our progress in the moment. I saw a great example of this in a recent workshop. The facilitator asked us to grasp a pen firming in our right hand. He said our pen represented past success. He said, “Now, while holding on tightly to that past success, pick up another pen.” We couldn’t pick up anything else – that is – until we let go our grip on past achievements.
108)
A friend once told me, “Sometimes you meet people who change your life forever. Sometimes it only takes a second.”
It’s true: I’ve had it happen.
109)
I was having coffee with a friend the other day when the topic shifted from work and family to finding our dream and pursuing our purpose.
“I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” he said with a chuckle and then added after a long pause, “Maybe I don’t want to know.”
What do you want to be when you grow up?
110)
We each have our nights of fear. We each encounter monsters of one sort or another. We may fear spiders or snakes, heights or crowds, success or failure, the future or death. The next time you’re afraid, try “hugging the monster.” Face that fear head-on, whatever it is, and embrace it. You may be surprised at how quickly it slips away and at how much more confident you begin to feel.
111)
For many of us, life is made up of a thousand little capitulations and humiliations, words not spoken, emotions not expressed and issues left unresolved. We don’t realize how much hurt and disappointment we press down into the depths of our psyche so we won’t have to acknowledge it. It’s like being inside an emotional pressure cooker. The more of our emotions that we force into submission, the greater the force of the explosion when they come out – and they will!
112)
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing,” said George Bernard Shaw. Great mistakes are opportunities for great learning and great learning makes for great living.
113)
The “what if” game can immobilize us – freeze us with its frightening possibilities. Have you ever noticed that the “what if” game is like an elevator that always takes you to the bottom floor – the lowest place that we could possibly go? The elevator doesn’t stop at the middle floors, giving us a chance to consider alternatives.
114)
One of my fondest memories followed a performance at the Pines Lodge in Red Deer. A man approached me with his hand outstretched. He gripped my hand firmly and delivered a vigorous shake.
“You know, son,” he said, “This hand shook the hand of the Queen of England.”
“The Queen of England?” I replied. “That must have been a thrill.”
“Yes,” he said. “And now I have the thrill of shaking your hand.”
115)
When you take an objective look at how you’ve lived your life, what themes or patterns do you notice? What streets do you continually go down and into what holes do you perpetually fall? What disempowering habits have you recognized, yet never changed? Whom have you blamed for the falls on your journey? What options or choices have you been denying?
116)
Cultural factors come into play. Western culture places a high value on anger. We are supposed to feel moral outrage when someone steps on our rights and, in many conditions, we feel justified in trying to avenge or destroy people who wound us. In Europe, the brave knight slays the dragon. In Asia, the hero speaks with the dragon, makes friends with the dragon, and uses its power to advance his cause.
117)
In the summer of 1986, our infant son was in the intensive care unit of the hospital in Kelowna, BC where we lived. Only two months of age, he had fallen deathly ill due to a rare intestinal disorder. We had rushed him to emergency where the doctors performed a thorough examination. When the doctor returned, our worst fears were confirmed.
118)
So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it’s easy to “toss away” an opportunity when it is right in the palm of our hand and just as easy to miss it completely.
One of the greatest challenges in our lives is seeing the forest and not just the trees.
119)
Norm Williams was 67 years old when I met him back in 1986, but I would have guessed him to be a decade younger. After retiring from his career as a television writer, Norm took a sales job at a small radio station in Kelowna, B.C. Tall and lanky, Norm moved briskly through his day with an easy stride and his hand was quick to be outstretched, ready to shake your hand with enthusiasm.
Imperturbability is when nothing can jar your mind from being in a good and balanced place. It’s the practice of staying centred and grounded – especially in stressful situations. Some would contend it is the art of living in the present moment: being in the now.
It’s no coincidence that the words “journey” and “journaling” come from the same root. Journaling is a powerful way to chronicle the journey of our lives. Journaling is a source of inspiration and a stepping-stone to self-enlightenment. Throughout history artists, scientists, philosophers, and explorers have used journals or diaries to record their feelings, thoughts, observations, and discoveries. Anne Frank, Virginia Woolf, and Henry David Thoreau are just three of many writers known for such compositions.
A fresh strawberry or a hot cinnamon bun is no less wondrous today than when you first tasted it. The very newspaper or book you’re holding now may be a miracle our an-cient ancestors never fathomed. The way the air smells after a summer rain or the sight of this evening’s sunset is no less glorious today than it was that first time you saw it. Nothing is commonplace in itself – it’s just our reaction to it that grows dull over the years.
As humans, we’re often engaged in a search for what we believe is missing in our lives: love, peace, opportunity, prosperity, good self-esteem, the ideal partner, the perfect job. We believe that if we find what is missing, then we will be complete and happy. The paradox is that often the answers we search for is both within us and in front of us.
The other day, a friend made a comment to me about new gaming technology. He used the term “virtual reality.” In particular, he spoke of the realistic graphics featured in many sports/action games. “It looks so authentic,” he said. “You could almost believe it’s real.” I began thinking about our own subjective reality. Could the same comment hold true for most of us? “It looks so authentic; you could almost believe it’s real.” Growing my awareness and self-esteem and helping others to do the same, has helped me realize that much of our reality is “virtual.” It’s all in the way we perceive it.
Curiosity may have killed the proverbial cat, but curiosity is one of the most important components of an empowered life. A desire to learn something new keeps life exciting, engaging, and enjoyable. Lack of curiosity can lead to a lack of involvement in life.
What happened to most of us? Why did many of the grand dreams we had in high school or college fail to materialize? Why, all too often, do so many of us look back dissatisfied with the course our lives have taken and the place we now reside?
Self-appreciation is accepting yourself exactly as you are and acknowledging your many talents. Some of us have been taught that self-appreciation is egotistical and inappropriate. In fact, just the opposite is true. Without self-appreciation or a feeling of self-worth, many of the goals we are striving to achieve will constantly elude us.
When I was a kid on the farm, my father would often ask, “Are you listening?” Looking back, he had good cause to doubt, as I was often lost in a daydream. He would typically follow his first question with, “Do you think I talk just to hear myself speak?”
It’s worth asking yourself the question, “When I speak, who is listening?” It’s one of the most important questions to ask if you truly want to change or improve your life.
Perhaps it is the simplest of tools, like a basic tape measure, hammer, or carpenter’s square that remain the most useful. One of the first tools for personal change I ever collected and still use today is the Balance Wheel. It’s simple, quick, and amazingly accurate.
When I was a kid, I kept a small cardboard box hidden under my bed. It was my treas-ure chest and I filled it with bottle caps, bubblegum cards, small toys, penknives, and anything else my young mind considered worthy of being called treasure. Often, I would sit on the bed and sort through the box, reliving the emotions associated with each item.
The other day my friend Lynn and I were talking about repetitive patterns of behaviour. We’ve all been there at one time or another: despite our best efforts, finding ourselves repeatedly in the same kind of unhealthy relationship or stressful financial situations. Lynn made the comment, “It’s no fun being stuck in the spin cycle.”
If you have a nagging feeling that you could do more, contribute more, grow more, and be more, then it’s likely you’ve settled somewhere along the way. Take a chance to-day, step out of your comfort zone, face your fears and challenge yourself to “be more.”
Greatness requires us to constantly change, grow, learn, and adapt. Tactics and atti-tudes that worked yesterday may not fit or help to resolve today’s problems.
“What the hell were you thinking?” snarled the older man.
Tears welled up in the little boy’s eyes.
“Dry up!” spat the man. “Don’t you start blubbering now!”
The boy tried in vain to fight back the sobs that began to rack his body.
“I pity you, boy,” said the man, shaking his head. “Life’s gonna be hell!”
And for the little boy, his father’s words became prophetic.
Each of us has bouts of what we consider bad luck. Sometimes our bad luck is simply frustrating or inconvenient; other times it can be devastating. If we follow Pound’s advice and “Start over with a sense of optimism and confidence,” we can often transform those challenging times and enlighten our views of life.
In our rosy remembrances of the past, we can sometimes lose sight of a bright future. We can be so focused on old songs and accomplishments that we fail to make room in our lives for new opportunities and possibilities. Certainly, the past needs to be honoured. It has been the source of all lessons – a paving stone, a roadway to this moment.
Occasionally, life piles on too many stresses at once. Circumstances may overwhelm our usual coping skills. A normally “good kid” may start going bad. You or a loved one may lose a job. You may suffer a prolonged or difficult illness. Stress may weaken your body’s defences, disrupting your sleep, appetite or zest for life.
How many times, at a critical crossroads in your life, has someone offered you a word of encouragement, a hug or a listening ear? How often have you been the one to provide the affirmation that brightened someone’s day? It’s safe to say the world would be a better place if we all took time to pass along the power of encouragement.
Mother Teresa wisely said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their ech-oes are truly endless.”
As far back as I can remember my fine mother has been a stickler for good manners. As a child, she encouraged me to say please, thank you and excuse me while at the table, to hold the door for adults, to stand up when a “lady” entered the room and to firmly shake the hand of a “stranger” when introduced and say, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Of all the teachings, she was most insistent upon the words “thank you.”
Whether it’s collecting stamps or bungee jumping, doing activities you find enjoyable helps to reduce your stress and brighten your outlook. What’s more, the fun doesn’t need to stop with physical activities. You can continue to enjoy the benefits of regular fun by developing and maintaining a fun-loving attitude. I’m not talking about becoming a walk-ing fun factory, though we all know people who fit the description. I’m talking about consciously choosing to lighten up and see the humour that exists in daily life.
“Would you like my advice,” the stranger asked, leaning a little too near for my liking.
I wondered how to respond. If I said, “No, thank you,” I ran the risk of offending this visibly inebriated man. If I responded with, “Yes,” I could be initiating a long and incoherent conversation from which I might have difficulty extricating myself.
“I overheard your conversation,” he continued. “And I have a thought.”
I looked over at my companions, who just shrugged and smiled.
“OK,” I said. “What’s your advice?”
Seniors may be finally getting the respect they rightfully deserve. Hugh Downs, the venerable and affable American television host, recently reported that when seniors are properly motivated, their ability to learn and grow intellectually does not wane. In fact, new evidence suggests our ability to organize our thinking may actually increase as we age. More than ever, people over 50 are returning for post secondary schooling and discovering a much greater focus and retention than they experienced at 18.
According to a Greek legend, the great storyteller Aesop was spotted one day playing in the street with a group of children. A passerby laughed and jeered at Aesop, asking him why he wasted his time in such a frivolous, unproductive activity.
Anger is a natural emotion and everybody feels it. It becomes an issue when expressed inappropriately. Anger can have a devastating effect on the self-esteem of anyone unfortunate enough to be the target of an outburst. The guilt and depression that often follows an angry outburst can be equally damaging to the irate individual.
Assumptions are beliefs or ideas that we hold to be true and often with little or no evi-dence required. We make assumptions every day of our lives. For example, as a driver, we assume other drivers will obey traffic signals. When we shoot through an intersection on a green light, we assume that the opposing traffic will stop for the red light.
Some people believe that self-forgiveness is a fashionable, politically correct, socially acceptable way of letting ourselves off the hook by avoiding accountability and personal responsibility. In fact, self-forgiveness is the natural starting place for anyone who wants to lead an ethical and empowered life as free from hypocrisy as is possible.
I was struck by how much our journey through life is like sailing. Sometimes we have favourable winds and can sail freely along in the sunshine without a worry. However, sometimes conditions change when we least expect it, and we find ourselves trying to sail upwind. Lack of awareness or a poor sense of self-worth is like a sailboat with an inexpe-rienced captain and crew. Unable to anticipate the change or respond accordingly, we have difficulty staying on course, often find ourselves in perilous waters, and sometimes end up in irons.
The manager chewed thoughtfully on my exuberant response. “If I give you a job working here,” he said and leaned nearer, “would you still want to be a writer?”
“Of course,” I blurted out.
He smiled and the chair squawked. “Let me tell you something,” he said. “If you want to do well at anything, your mind needs to be there along with your body.” He handed the resume back to me. “Good luck, son,” he said and shook my hand.
Disappointment are not endings, they are valuable opportunities to learn. The game isn’t over until the last runner crosses home plate. Many victories are achieved after one comes back from almost insurmountable odds. So it is with life.
Consider the impact positive role models have had upon you. Think of the people who have inspired you – positive individuals who demonstrated values, ways of thinking and acting that moved you want to be more, do more, and know greater joy in life.
Have you noticed that the word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”? In order to listen to ourselves, we must be silent. Take the time to hear your deepest innermost thoughts. In solitude, you will hear what can be heard no other way.
Self-esteem is an all-encompassing process – mind, body, and spirit. To be completely “whole” and in balance, all aspects of your “self” must be cared for, cherished, and respected. Yes, living an empowered life means taking care of your amazing body!
Don’t buy into the notion that “nothing will grow there.” I like the comment by writer George Eliot, “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” You may not always have recognized your potential for growth, but it has always been there. Who knows what may be hidden just beneath the surface, but can only be discovered after a little digging.
With a few minutes remaining in my lunch hour, I decided to stop by the local flower shop. Friendly clerks acknowledged each of us while moving the growing line forward at a brisk pace – that is, until one customer placed a large and rather complicated order.
Too many of us are allowing old programming and patterns of behaviour to dictate the way we move through life. Like a gentle lullaby, those old patterns and ideas lull us into a state of being half-asleep. It’s easy – we just allow our life to follow the same old weatherworn path.
Isn’t that often our quest: the frantic search for a key that will open us up to living a life of passion and purpose? Many people have shared with me, “I want to make a differ-ence. I want my life to matter.” It seems to me our best chance for living a life that is truly inspiring and representative of our talents is to connect with our authentic self.
Any label is limiting. Labels stick people in a box where there’s little room to move. Why do we do it? Perhaps to make understanding the world a little simpler. Maybe to mask our ignorance or unwillingness to investigate and seek the truth about other people and situations. Listen and you’ll hear people apply such labels as, “Those people are all extremists,” or “Those people are such warmongers,” or “Those people are all lazy.”
It can be hard for small-pie people to eat at the same table with big-pie folks. The good news is you can choose today to become a big-pie person. When you’re feeling fearful or lacking, step back and examine your thoughts. Remember, a small-pie life is simply a reflection of past thinking. Change your thinking and you change your life.
Developing tolerance and embracing diversity is crucial today, as the person who learns to be open to differences will have more opportunities in education, business, and all other aspects of life. Our success in life depends on it. Success in today’s world and tomorrow’s depends on being able to understand, appreciate and work with others.
If you’re not getting what you want from life, ask yourself, “What have I been expect-ing?” It has been said a hundred ways by great men and women down through history – our life is an expression of the thoughts we hold firmly in mind. In essence, our life is a reflection of what we expect.
It takes courage to live life to its fullest: to embrace new faces, places, thoughts, and ideas. It took me years to comprehend that simple idea. It took me even longer to realize that security is mostly a myth – that we’re often no safer avoiding danger than we are facing it straight on. The daughter of our neighbourhood dentist knew it. Helen Keller, a deaf and blind American author and activist, echoed the sentiment when she wrote, “Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.”
Since I’ve been writing and speaking on the topic of self-esteem and empowerment, I’ve had many interesting questions posed to me. Recently, someone asked me if the key element of success – whether in life or business – could be expressed in a single statement. I had the edge as I had already put forward the question to a number of colleagues in the business. Each had shared a thought similar to this: cultivate the habit of success.
One of the great errors we can make is sheltering people from life’s problems. Out of a misguided sense of concern for another’s well-being, we can actually take away some-one’s ability to handle life’s problems and leave him or her vulnerable and disadvan-taged.
A powerful “secret” has been making the rounds among self-esteem and self-awareness devotees. Moreover, thanks to Oprah, “The Secret” is a secret no longer.
Everyone has felt guilty at some time, but certain people seem more prone to feelings of guilt than others do. Some people feel guilty much of the time. Any time they make a mistake they continually replay it and feel badly about it.
Some time later I came to a realization: while motivational speakers can certainly inspire us with success stories, insights and the living example they set, they don’t really motivate. Here’s why: motivation must come from within and no one can do it to us or for us. I was looking for someone to motivate me to greatness. I was looking outside and I should have been looking inside. Greatness could not occur until I accepted self-responsibility for my choices and took action. I had to be my own source of motivation.
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There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.
Nathaniel Branden, American Expert on Self-esteem, Author, Psychologist
This page was last updated: September 18, 2008
Thank-you to everyone who attended the Extreme Esteem Workshop -
Sept 28-30/07
It was a tremendous success and is being held again in Nov 23-25/07
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Comments:
Awesome! I completely enjoyed the experience. Extremely informative and much fun!
This was a great course and I had a great time!
It was a lot of fun. Good group!
Thank-you for sharing your open and honest wisdom with us.
Murray, in my experience, life changing experiences that alter your path in a positive way can be rare. My exposure to you has been consistently that. I am very grateful for your gifted teaching.
Thanks for keeping it real! You have a great talent for teaching and I like how you make people comfortable and how you don't mind to throw in the comedic factor.
5 out of 5
Great job, Murr
This was so much fun. You were great!
Dynamic! Thanks for sharing your talents!
Awesome! You Rock! You have arrived!
You're on Purpose!
Awesome experience, Murr!
You're a great teacher!
The deep induction and triggers will help get me unlocked!
Excellent!
Congratulations!
Excellence!
Met some wonderful people. Very Empowering!
This workshop was very well run!
Well Done!
The exercises were great! The personal interaction was fantastic!
This workshop or something similiar should be a mandatory course in every high school! Just think of the difference that would make in the world!
Challenging. Took me out of my comfort zone. I enjoyed it very much!
Workshop content was excellent!
Thanks, Murray! Always great to get more tools!
I am so excited about the seminar and all the cool stuff I learned. I noticed right away that my whole attitude had changed and I really feel this is the turning point I’ve been searching for. I had so many “lightbulb moments” and so much stuff makes sense to me now. I never would have believed that you could change your whole life in one weekend, but it’s true.
Say it loud, say it proud – CONFIDENCE!
I learned a great deal about myself, not just through the exercises and discussions but from the feedback given by the others in the group, especially at the end of the seminar. Murray teaches the value of "reprogramming" your thoughts so that you are able to keep a positive state of mind, remain focused on your goals and eliminate negative self-talk.
Murray didn't TELL me anything; he allowed me to go through some very simple, thought provoking exercises and allowed me to reflect on their meaning. He led the group through a powerful visualization exercise and I finally understood that my poor choice of partners in the past did NOT mean I was forever destined to be unhappy.
I simply used the tools he [Murray] gave me and reflected on some of the false beliefs I had. I actually had a "lightbulb moment" on my way out to the parking lot Friday night, after only the first 3 hours of the 3 day seminar.
Murray also provides guidance through relaxation techniques and teaches you the art of self-hypnosis. I must admit, when I learned that he includes a hypnosis session in the seminar I was really nervous, anxious, scared and was not sure I could go through with it. I can assure you that Murray is an ethical practitioner of Hypnosis and would NEVER, EVER do anything to harm you, frighten you or cause you any discomfort or embarrassment.
Visit Murray's website. He seems to have a way of explaining things that enabled me to make sense of what had confused me for so long. He also doesn't make you feel silly or inadequate for feeling the way you did or for holding the beliefs you held. You have NO REASON to feel poorly about feeling poorly. That's just silly and it's self-defeating. There is no fault, only facts.
My life is changing. It isn't because Murray waved a magic wand and made it so. Murray did not "hypnotize me" into a new frame of mind. ( "You are now happy" KAPOW! ) My life is changing because now I know HOW to change it. I have the tools and know how to use them. As Murray says, "If all you have in your toolbox is a hammer, every situation you encounter will be a nail."
I am going to stop wishing for a better past. I am looking forward to a better today, right here, right now. CONFIDENCE!!!
( Wanna know what that word can do for you? Take the seminar! )
I wish I had taken this seminar sooner.
It was just great! I can't think of any suggestions to make it better!
Very Enlightening and Encouraging!
Awesome workshop, Murray. You're a gift!
Thank-you for your insight and inspiration. I thoroughly enjoyed my time and your course.
What a wonderful retreat!
Murray, I appreciate the closeness and openness of the group. You always provide an atmosphere that makes a person feel save and able to share.
Awesome!!!
I think you did an excellent job, Murray. You have definitely found your calling!
There are simply no words to describe how profoundly, how deeply, your words touched and moved me so I'm not even going to try.
From the bottom of what is proving to be a surprisingly battered heart, I thank you.
Thank you for your inspiration. Thank you for helping me start to believe.
May I someday come to shine with even a small glimmer of the light that shines from you.
If only more people who be open to this, it would be a better world to live in.
Soar as high as you can go, Eagle!
I wouldn't have survived if this opportunity didn't come forth.
Thank-you for helping me find myself again.
What a wonderful experience on my journey. May we be grateful for our pasts, proud of our present, and encouraged by our futures.
It was all great!
Way more than I expected! Absolutely magnificent! A class act! Thank-you for my heart!
I needed someone to believe in me so I could believe in myself. You saved my life with your healing.
Thank-you so much everyone for your kind comments. Your feedback lets me know that I'm
on the right path.
Murray
"As you become awake and aware of the possibilities life holds for you, you’ll need to make a choice – to stay with your inner discomfort and current belief system or choose to walk clear of it. I’m willing to wager you’ll walk clear."
~ Murray M. Fuhrer
Extreme Esteem
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of becoming.”
~ Goethe
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Murray M. Fuhrer
Award Winning Writer, Speaker and Workshop Facilitator
at the next Extreme Esteem Workshop
Nov 23-25/07
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